Not copyright 1999 by Wright Software
Use at your own risk.
Cole's Law: Thinly sliced cabbage.
---------------------
What's your motivation?
I hate ads. I hate commercials on TV. I ESPECIALLY
hate banner ads on the web. Having Apple download
them with Sherlock is just like poking me with a sharp
stick. It's almost as bad as being attacked with fresh
fruit. What can a poor boy do? The ads don't have
nasty, pointed teeth, so you can't Run Away. Answer:
Kill The Rabbit.
How are we gonna do that?
Banana Peeler takes a long, hard look at the Sherlock
files in your current System folder. Those that have
"banner" lines in them get 'em commented
out. Result? No more stupid ads when you're Sherlocking
across the universe (on the starship Enterprise, under
Captain Kirk). Banana Peeler also changes the modification
date on ALL your Sherlock files, so you know the last
time they've been examined (ooo, good rationalization,
huh?).
Without advertising, won't the internet vanish overnight?
Why yes, you're absolutely correct. The internet was
practically founded with advertising, and it's the
lifeblood of every site out there. Without advertising,
sites might actually have to put compelling content
up (how awful!). I believe Microsoft has a similar
attitude - with enough advertising, people can be convinced
to buy buffalo feces.
News sites are gonna love you.
Bite me. I was going to call it "AdScreen",
but somebody beat me to it. Plus, I'd like it to be
around for more than 10 hours.
Is Banana Peeler Y2K compliant?
Oh, get OFF it already. Are your shoes Y2K compliant?
In the year 2000, Banana Peeler will still exist,
and won't bring time to an abrupt halt. Therefore,
Banana Peeler is compliant (and compatible!) with the
year 2000.
How do I work it?
Double click Banana Peeler. It's an AppleScript compiled
as an application. It automagically finds your System
folder, and fixes things for you. While it's working,
you'll notice a file appear on your desktop called
"Smooshed file". Please don't touch that
file while Banana Peeler is running. It's the "work
area" for the AppleScript. If things go well,
Banana Peeler will end silently and Smooshed file will
be in your trash.
Anything else I should know?
Yeah, all the source code for the script is right there.
Drop Banana Peeler on Script Editor, and tada! You
can see every line of code that I wrote. This should
ease fears of viruses - the whole thing is only 187
lines long, most of it error handling. You can also
run it from Script Editor.
What do I need?
Mac OS 8.5 (and up) with AppleScript installed. This
script has been tested on many, many machines. Well,
quite a few anyway. ALL RIGHT! I ONLY RAN IT ON MY
G3/266 DESKTOP! HAPPY NOW?! But I have lots of RAM.
I'm scared it might squish my Sherlock files and do
bad things.
You do make backups, don't you? Geez, I don't want
to hear it. What kind of a doofus are you? There
are two kinds of computers: those that have crashed,
and those that are about to crash. Unless you're running
Linux, which only crashes when you're using GNOME!
GNOME GNOME GNOME BOOM! Stupid Linux.
It squished a Sherlock file.
Use version 1.03 or later.
It seems awfully slow.
Writing it in Basic didn't make it slow enough, so I
turned to AppleScript :-). Anyway, your so-called
point is what? On my G3, it runs about 23 Sherlock
files per minute. It's a heck of a lot faster than
editing them by hand. Walk away. Go outside your
house and stand under that big yellow ball hanging
in the sky. Wiggle your toes in the grass. Scratch
behind your ears. Groom your mate, and bite the little
lice things so they crunch.
Support & Warranty
There is no support. There is no warranty of any kind.
This script is free, and no longer copyrighted. That
means I release it to the public domain. If you pass
it on to other [pod]people/entities, please keep this
Read me file with it, and don't alter anything in any
way, but you're not required to. It would be courteous
to let me know if you use my code, or maybe just give
me credit in your documentation.
I'm not saying this script is going to do anything useful
for you; in fact, it might give you squamous cell carcinoma,
dry up your cows, blight your potatoes, and cause the
millennium to start in the year 2000. USE IT AT YOUR
OWN RISK. By ever having this program on your machine,
you agree that you'll never sue me, and that if you
do, you immediately sign over all your belongings to
me. You get to keep all your debt.
It made my machine crash!
No it didn't. YOU made your machine crash. Computers
only do what you tell them to do.
It doesn't work on my machine. Make it work.
No.
It only fixed SOME Sherlock files.
Banana Peeler looks for files in your current System
folder, in the folder Internet Search Sites (and in
every folder inside THAT), with file type "issp",
and creator type "fndf". Everything else
is ignored. If you have a file it didn't affect, one
(or more) of those qualifications has not been met.
It would be cool if you made this a Folder Action Script.
I know. That's left as an exercise for the student.
Big fat hint: use the AppleScript help. It's pretty
easy. The source code is editable - have at it.
It would be cool if it did this...
La la la la la. I can't hear you, but I have a pink
lunchbox.
May I sue you?
No.
May I email you?
Well, I'm sure you're capable of it. I can't really
stop you. I have a secret weapon, though. I ignore
you. At least it's free - Microsoft CHARGES you for
the privilege of being ignored.
I want to send you money, 'cause your birthday is this
year.
By all means, go right ahead. That'll perk me right
up. Cash (small, unmarked bills) or cash equivalent
only, in US funds.
The tone of this read me file seems a bit unprofessional.
Ahh, bite me. I've been hit by lightning twice and
had my tongue cut out by professional sadists.* I'm
entitled to be addled.
I'm single, female, pretty, and 25 years old (or so).
Oooo. You get free support (but not with this script).
Email me with your phone number, address, measurements,
and how long it would take you to get to Ohio. The
tongue thing was a joke.** Think Gene Simmons.
Me:
http://www.dnaco.net/~bschulze/images/Bob.jpg
Latest version:
http://www.dnaco.net/~bschulze/files/
Version History:
1.05:
Updated for Mac OS 9. Apple decided to add subfolders
("channels" ... bleah) inside the Internet
Search Sites folder for Sherlock 2. And here I thought
I was being proper by not recursing folders.
Added cutesy messages when you have no Sherlock .src
files.
1.04:
Apple's gettin' tricky. They added nastiness to a "Sherlock
Default" file in the Preferences folder. Banana
Peeler now deals with that, too. The file is recreated
from Sherlock itself if you delete it - see TEXT ID
1000 in the resource fork of Sherlock 2.1 (tx, ResExcellence)
Fixed some incorrect version and date strings in the
code.
1.03:
Owen "The Linz" Linzmayer (his friends call
him Friedrich the Great) threatened to invoke The Option
if I didn't make it work better, so I stopped volunteering
for the Red Cross and the local homeless shelter, and
spent a few thankless months slogging through the thousands
of pages of code, trying to figure out why it fails
on some people's machines and Mac OS 8.6. Thanks to
my army of unpaid lackeys, I was able to isolate the
problem to You. It's Your Fault. My mind puppet Rob
Root came up with the solution; I owe him three shiny
sheckels. (Yes, that's his real pseudonym. He goes
to Lafayette, so please send him nice things.)
1.02:
Completely removed all the non-existent bugs that weren't
there in the first place.
Slowed it down so I get more complaints (see: It seems
awfully slow above).
Made Dan Steffen come over and help me with it (http://www.dnaco.net/~beavis),
so now it runs perfectly on TWO machines. My G3 (OS
8.5), and his 7300/180 (OS 8.5.1)
More intelligent error handling - e.g. trying to close
already closed files.
Remove "smooshed file" if it already exists
at start time.
All the women at MacAddict now want my body (but probably
for vivisection).
Better error dialogs - added a cancel button (I'm being
disingenuous here).
1.01:
Got a look at Technote 1141, so now it removes "bannerImage"
and "bannerLink" lines.
Found some more sample AppleScript code, so I added
error dialogs.
Bug fix: it will no longer try and delete one of your
Sherlock files in some cases (oops).
1.0:
First, completely bug-free release. There are no version
numbers anywhere in any documentation.
The future:
Apparently, Banana Peeler is used by many fine institutions,
but seems to fall short in a few minor areas. I'm
sure with a fresh infusion of capital, I could easily
fix that problem, thus allowing me to upgrade Banana
Peeler to the point of being a credible competitor
to WordPerfect. Send money now.
Editorial notes:
. Owen Linzmayer doesn't really make his friends call
him Friedrich the Great. He says it's optional.
. One day it struck me that it's just not right that
we eat certain animals, yet treat others as pets. And
THAT'S when I invented Kitten McNuggets.
Bob Schulze, CEO
bschulze @ dnaco.net (don't post this on the net!
i hate spammers!)
27 October 1999 (my sister Kate hit 30 today! :-)
*all true!
** sadly, not true.
--
Free OSs for the Linux-kings under the Open sky,
is Heaven for the server-lords in their halls of
stone,
but Not for Mortal Men doomed to die,
who are Owned by the Dark Lord on his dark throne
In the land of Redmond where the shadows lie.
One OS to rule them all, One OS to find them,
One OS to bring them all and in the darkness bind them.
In the land of Redmond, where the shadows lie.
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