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Banana Peeler 1.05

Not copyright 1999 by Wright Software
Use at your own risk.
Cole's Law: Thinly sliced cabbage.

What's your motivation?
I hate ads. I hate commercials on TV. I ESPECIALLY hate banner ads on the web. Having Apple download them with Sherlock is just like poking me with a sharp stick. It's almost as bad as being attacked with fresh fruit. What can a poor boy do? The ads don't have nasty, pointed teeth, so you can't Run Away. Answer: Kill The Rabbit.

How are we gonna do that?
Banana Peeler takes a long, hard look at the Sherlock files in your current System folder. Those that have "banner" lines in them get 'em commented out. Result? No more stupid ads when you're Sherlocking across the universe (on the starship Enterprise, under Captain Kirk). Banana Peeler also changes the modification date on ALL your Sherlock files, so you know the last time they've been examined (ooo, good rationalization, huh?).

Without advertising, won't the internet vanish overnight?
Why yes, you're absolutely correct. The internet was practically founded with advertising, and it's the lifeblood of every site out there. Without advertising, sites might actually have to put compelling content up (how awful!). I believe Microsoft has a similar attitude - with enough advertising, people can be convinced to buy buffalo feces.

News sites are gonna love you.
Bite me. I was going to call it "AdScreen", but somebody beat me to it. Plus, I'd like it to be around for more than 10 hours.

Is Banana Peeler Y2K compliant?
Oh, get OFF it already. Are your shoes Y2K compliant? In the year 2000, Banana Peeler will still exist, and won't bring time to an abrupt halt. Therefore, Banana Peeler is compliant (and compatible!) with the year 2000.

How do I work it?
Double click Banana Peeler. It's an AppleScript compiled as an application. It automagically finds your System folder, and fixes things for you. While it's working, you'll notice a file appear on your desktop called "Smooshed file". Please don't touch that file while Banana Peeler is running. It's the "work area" for the AppleScript. If things go well, Banana Peeler will end silently and Smooshed file will be in your trash.

Anything else I should know?
Yeah, all the source code for the script is right there. Drop Banana Peeler on Script Editor, and tada! You can see every line of code that I wrote. This should ease fears of viruses - the whole thing is only 187 lines long, most of it error handling. You can also run it from Script Editor.

What do I need?
Mac OS 8.5 (and up) with AppleScript installed. This script has been tested on many, many machines. Well, quite a few anyway. ALL RIGHT! I ONLY RAN IT ON MY G3/266 DESKTOP! HAPPY NOW?! But I have lots of RAM.

I'm scared it might squish my Sherlock files and do bad things.
You do make backups, don't you? Geez, I don't want to hear it. What kind of a doofus are you? There are two kinds of computers: those that have crashed, and those that are about to crash. Unless you're running Linux, which only crashes when you're using GNOME! GNOME GNOME GNOME BOOM! Stupid Linux.

It squished a Sherlock file.
Use version 1.03 or later.

It seems awfully slow.
Writing it in Basic didn't make it slow enough, so I turned to AppleScript :-). Anyway, your so-called point is what? On my G3, it runs about 23 Sherlock files per minute. It's a heck of a lot faster than editing them by hand. Walk away. Go outside your house and stand under that big yellow ball hanging in the sky. Wiggle your toes in the grass. Scratch behind your ears. Groom your mate, and bite the little lice things so they crunch.

Support & Warranty
There is no support. There is no warranty of any kind. This script is free, and no longer copyrighted. That means I release it to the public domain. If you pass it on to other [pod]people/entities, please keep this Read me file with it, and don't alter anything in any way, but you're not required to. It would be courteous to let me know if you use my code, or maybe just give me credit in your documentation.
I'm not saying this script is going to do anything useful for you; in fact, it might give you squamous cell carcinoma, dry up your cows, blight your potatoes, and cause the millennium to start in the year 2000. USE IT AT YOUR OWN RISK. By ever having this program on your machine, you agree that you'll never sue me, and that if you do, you immediately sign over all your belongings to me. You get to keep all your debt.

It made my machine crash!
No it didn't. YOU made your machine crash. Computers only do what you tell them to do.

It doesn't work on my machine. Make it work.

It only fixed SOME Sherlock files.
Banana Peeler looks for files in your current System folder, in the folder Internet Search Sites (and in every folder inside THAT), with file type "issp", and creator type "fndf". Everything else is ignored. If you have a file it didn't affect, one (or more) of those qualifications has not been met.

It would be cool if you made this a Folder Action Script.
I know. That's left as an exercise for the student. Big fat hint: use the AppleScript help. It's pretty easy. The source code is editable - have at it.

It would be cool if it did this...
La la la la la. I can't hear you, but I have a pink lunchbox.

May I sue you?

May I email you?
Well, I'm sure you're capable of it. I can't really stop you. I have a secret weapon, though. I ignore you. At least it's free - Microsoft CHARGES you for the privilege of being ignored.

I want to send you money, 'cause your birthday is this year.
By all means, go right ahead. That'll perk me right up. Cash (small, unmarked bills) or cash equivalent only, in US funds.

The tone of this read me file seems a bit unprofessional.
Ahh, bite me. I've been hit by lightning twice and had my tongue cut out by professional sadists.* I'm entitled to be addled.

I'm single, female, pretty, and 25 years old (or so).
Oooo. You get free support (but not with this script). Email me with your phone number, address, measurements, and how long it would take you to get to Ohio. The tongue thing was a joke.** Think Gene Simmons.


Latest version:

Version History:
Updated for Mac OS 9. Apple decided to add subfolders ("channels" ... bleah) inside the Internet Search Sites folder for Sherlock 2. And here I thought I was being proper by not recursing folders.
Added cutesy messages when you have no Sherlock .src files.
Apple's gettin' tricky. They added nastiness to a "Sherlock Default" file in the Preferences folder. Banana Peeler now deals with that, too. The file is recreated from Sherlock itself if you delete it - see TEXT ID 1000 in the resource fork of Sherlock 2.1 (tx, ResExcellence)
Fixed some incorrect version and date strings in the code.
Owen "The Linz" Linzmayer (his friends call him Friedrich the Great) threatened to invoke The Option if I didn't make it work better, so I stopped volunteering for the Red Cross and the local homeless shelter, and spent a few thankless months slogging through the thousands of pages of code, trying to figure out why it fails on some people's machines and Mac OS 8.6. Thanks to my army of unpaid lackeys, I was able to isolate the problem to You. It's Your Fault. My mind puppet Rob Root came up with the solution; I owe him three shiny sheckels. (Yes, that's his real pseudonym. He goes to Lafayette, so please send him nice things.)
Completely removed all the non-existent bugs that weren't there in the first place.
Slowed it down so I get more complaints (see: It seems awfully slow above).
Made Dan Steffen come over and help me with it (, so now it runs perfectly on TWO machines. My G3 (OS 8.5), and his 7300/180 (OS 8.5.1)
More intelligent error handling - e.g. trying to close already closed files.
Remove "smooshed file" if it already exists at start time.
All the women at MacAddict now want my body (but probably for vivisection).
Better error dialogs - added a cancel button (I'm being disingenuous here).
Got a look at Technote 1141, so now it removes "bannerImage" and "bannerLink" lines.
Found some more sample AppleScript code, so I added error dialogs.
Bug fix: it will no longer try and delete one of your Sherlock files in some cases (oops).
First, completely bug-free release. There are no version numbers anywhere in any documentation.

The future:
Apparently, Banana Peeler is used by many fine institutions, but seems to fall short in a few minor areas. I'm sure with a fresh infusion of capital, I could easily fix that problem, thus allowing me to upgrade Banana Peeler to the point of being a credible competitor to WordPerfect. Send money now.

Editorial notes:
. Owen Linzmayer doesn't really make his friends call him Friedrich the Great. He says it's optional.
. One day it struck me that it's just not right that we eat certain animals, yet treat others as pets. And THAT'S when I invented Kitten McNuggets.

Bob Schulze, CEO
bschulze @ (don't post this on the net! i hate spammers!)
27 October 1999 (my sister Kate hit 30 today! :-)

*all true!
** sadly, not true.
Free OSs for the Linux-kings under the Open sky,
is Heaven for the server-lords in their halls of stone,
but Not for Mortal Men doomed to die,
who are Owned by the Dark Lord on his dark throne
In the land of Redmond where the shadows lie.
One OS to rule them all, One OS to find them,
One OS to bring them all and in the darkness bind them.
In the land of Redmond, where the shadows lie.

Original file name: Read me or slip! - converted on Wednesday, 24 November 1999, 19:23

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